What am i doing here on this boring sunday morning?
I overslept and never go madrasah.
-_-"

I am feeling ever so bored!
So boring.
Yawn yawn.
I have nothing to say.
I want to sleep.
Oh wait, maybe i might study for french yet again.
Since when have i become so hardworking?
Oh well, i want to go France.
Please take me there.
I want to go to Paris, Marseille, Bordeux(is that how you spell it?), Lyon, Lille, Nice and the whole of France.

Anyway, i've deleted most of my junk mails.
And old mails that i don't need anymore.
Unbelievable that i could clear ten pages of emails.

I am so bored.
Does anyone hear me?
Death by boredom.
Might as well i continue my sixth episode that i started yesterday.
Oh well, i realise that i'm beginning to write what they were thinking and feeling more often for these past episodes.
Seriously.
I think that's better.
More precise.
What crap am i talking about.
I can't seem to figure out what they need to say in the story.
That's why i'm writing their thoughts and feelings.

It wasn't love to begin with.
It was a crush, just a crush.
Crushes are not meant to last.
But why do i still feel this way?
It wasn't love to begin with.
But with you i feel i'm flying.
-Sixth Episode.

She tried to convince herself she wasn't feeling the same way.
She wanted to convince herself she was feeling the same way.
She wants him to feel the same as she feels.
She feels she's flying whenever she's with him.
And she wants the feeling to stay.

He had decided.
He was going to let his heart do whatever it wanted.
He was going to let his heart run free.
He wasn't going to care about anything else.
He wasn't going to let anyone have his heart just like that.
He was going to give his heart to someone.
He was going to give his love to her.
He was going to let her know that he is still there.
He wasn't going to care if she hates him.
He wasn't going to let her down.
He wasn't hoping to win her heart.
He was going to love her, even if he has to do it secretly.

What did he know about love anyway?
He was only seventeen to begin with.
He was still a little boy in everyone's eyes.
Even her.
He was just a young innocent boy with no knowledge of love.
What was there to love anyway?
Who would want to fall for a person like him?
A person who still in the protection of his grandmother.
He wasn't a man, he was just a boy.
A boy in her eyes.
He thought he was giving her up by letting her go.
Letting her be with the one she love.
What does he know about giving love up?
There was no love, only love in his heart.
Never her, never felt the same way.
What does he know about love?
He doesn't need love in his life.

She never knew how much she meant to me.
I know i meant nothing to her, just a hurdle that keeps on distracting her way in life. I'm nobody to her. I'm just someone she met before, but she never wanted me to be part of her story. I'm supposed to be just a very very minor role in her story, not even a recurring role or even a guest star. Just a minor role. But i'm the cause of the problem. I wanted to be a regular in this story of hers. I wanted to be the male lead. I wanted to be a main character in this story. This twisted story of hers. She never wanted me to stay, but i forced myself instead. I defied against her wish. She wanted me to leave, but i made myself stay. I was an uninvited guest. And it's because i loved her. I loved her, still love her and will love her. I don't care anymore. Even if she hates me, even if she has a boyfriend, even if she can't love me back, i still love her. I just want her to feel my love, and that's all to make me satisfied. Knowing the fool i am, i'm a fool in love. I'm a lovefool. I'm fooled by love easily, not knowing nor caring about the consequences. I tried to give her up once, but i failed. My heart just couldn't let go of this love. Though i know that all the feelings are only because of me. I was the one who claimed the feelings' existence, I was the one who wanted those feelings to exist. I made it seem as though they were actually there, but actually, it was only me. I was the one who felt feelings that never existed.
But it's all because i had fallen for her. I wanted her to be mine. I wanted me myself to be hers. I wanted to belong to her only, and only her. I wanted love between us. I wanted us to be together for eternity. I wanted her to be my shoulder when i'm older. I wanted to be the shoulder she cry on, the shoulder her teardrops will fall on. I wanted her to take my love wherever she goes. I wanted to give the love she wants. I wanted to be the person who could give her the love she wants. And i wanted her to be the one giving her love to me. I wanted her love. I wanted her to be the one i'm with and i wanted her love to be the only love i need.
But i know i'm just wanting to have what i never can.

Oh great. I've quoted some parts i wrote in fifth and sixth episode.
Now you can see how lame i am.
Andandand, i realised that i had taken some lines from my song.
Oh well, i should explain the paragraphs.
The first one was the starting of the episode.
Kind of like the preface of a book.
The second one was about the female lead.
The third was about the male lead.
The fourth was about the almostsecond male lead.
The last was what the male lead narrated at the end of episode five.
To tell the truth, i really think what i wrote was crap.
Right?

Mom took the flight last night.
She cried, my adik cried.
It's only for twenty-eight days.
My adik cried like what.
Hello, mom left me for three months when i was five.
You're eight and it's only twenty-eight days.
Oh well, i realised that since mom is not here, there are a lot of problems i have to face.

Number one, i have to go to the fridge and put the precooked food mom cooked beforehand in the microwave and heat it up everyday.
Number two, i have to layan my adik. Bluek.
Number three, i have to give in to my adik who is very unreasonable.
Number four, i'm not allowed to scold my adik but then she will always scold me for no reason whatsoever.
Number five, i have no one to complain to about the maid.
Number six, the maid will do more of her songe-ness and then there's no one for me to complain about her to.
Number seven, i have no one to wake me up for school. Like today and i overslept and didn't go madrasah.
Number eight, well, i don't know what's number eight, nine and ten and so on and so fourth.

Gah. I'm hungry.
I want a chewing gum.
I need a chewing gum now.
But i need to pee.
Sheesh.
I need to edit this post.

Au Revoir.
And i love my male lead.

Labels: family.relatives., mystorydrama, random